Things that have changed since I have been away

Taste Buds

For three days I had the ‘normal’ from the vending machine. Number sixty nine. Now I know I had a lot of different types of coffees in Canada, but I was slightly surprised to find out they had changed the selection numbers in my absence. Number sixty nine was in fact, now, hot chocolate. After being shocked that the coffee was so bad it tasted like a mixture of chocolate and old mens pants, I have now decided to invest fifty five pence, five times a day, in a Latte at the proper coffee shop.

The Water Machine

It now takes eight cups fills, not six, to fill up my water bottle. Maybe not life and death to non water bottle fillers, but very important when it comes to timing and avoiding long queues behind me. I think I will get on the drinks machine committee to make sure I’m consulted and informed on decisions like these before they happen

Weight

After a three week holiday, most people, who indulge in beer and junk food, put on weight. It’s to be expected. So I raised an eyebrow and a couple of pizzas, when I found out I had lost half a stone. After discounting the ten mile daily walks and hikes up mountains, I realised, it must have been the heat.

My car

The Alfa Romeo has made friends. Two additional bird shits, a coating of sand and a cant be arsed to clean it owner.

Exercise

I can no longer bench press my own body weight and do over a hundred press ups. I blame it on the ligament damage incurred trying to wake board, jumping off cliffs, lugging around bags, fending off the Hasting Street gang and lifting cups of coffee.

The Weather

I’m lying. It’s still shit

Bag Searches

Some pubs, like the one I went to on Sunday, are now checking your bags for bombs.

London

Apparently, it’s deserted. Well, by London standards.

Cricket

We’ve actually managed to beat Australia in an Ashes test match for once

My underwear