Kings Cross and Syndey

A day at Royal Randwick. It is comparable to Royal Ascot but done in a typically Aussie matter. For a start you can get free buses from the station straight into the racecourse. After arguing with the amazing stupid woman at the turnstile that she had short changed me by twenty dollars I made my way into the main area. I have begun to notice that even in the clearest English accent some of the locals just don't get it. Maybe I am being too nice blaming it on the accent. They are probaly just thick as shit. They certainly look that way. You could just imagine them thinking 'I'm sitting in this sweaty cabin hole on Easter weekend and I just wish you would piss off and die'. I have started to think that if I spoke more like Kath from the 'Kath and Kim show' maybe I would have more success. The first impressions were good.

Stunning women who had obviously forgot to put on their dresses that morning were out in force. Even past the mountains of makeup they were respectably good looking and all dressed like they were going to their only sisters just turned hetrosexual after being a lesbian wedding. As Matt said if you opened a bra shop in this place you would be an incredibly rich man. I'd happily let my career go on hold and work there. Of course I did'nt know what he was talking about - it was all about the horses for me. Women, what women? In a typically true Australian manner everyone was off their faces by the forth race. It was here again that I noticed that the Aussies do things so much better than back home. I think we are caught up with tradition too much and this hampers our development. You fill in a slip of paper lottery ticket style - scan it and pay your money. No worries. When (If) you win you scan your slip over another scanner and hey presto - your money. This system is occasionaly comprimised by the a) the drunk people who don't bring slips to the counter and b) george the grandad who after two wines fills in every box. Its the same when watching the race unfold on the big screen. Digitally the horses are recorded so you can see in big numbers the first four horses throughout the race instead of trying to make out the colours and numbers whilst seeing past the big fat drunk bastard in front of you.

A few 'oh my god I can't believe you are (not) wearing that' and 'do you want to be more drunk and fall over again and 'does your mother know you are here beacuse if she knew you were wearing that she would freak but I can't stop looking' laters it was ready to go. Being in a place that was 99% full of Aussies it allowed me to make some further conclusions on Aussie people. The blokes are all over six foot tall and built like brick shit houses. I also noticed that nine out of ten have dark hair. I was starting to feel a bit different with blonde hair and blue eyes and the fact that I was'nt carrying a surf board under my arm did'nt help. The women have all come from the same amazingly good looking gene that someone must have brought over to Australia all those years ago. Finally they are the most confident and loud species.