The Whitsundays

The Hayman Islands. One of the worlds top resorts that welcomes Royalty. It is the only Australian hotel to be given 'world quality status'. The 'taxi' to the resort is in fact a $4 million dollar 'Sun Godess' cruiser taking you to a complex that cost in excess of $300 million dollars to construct. This was certainly not the backpacking I had imagined. Of course not. I turned the page on the 'Welcome to the Whitsunday's' booklet. Blue sky, sun drenched decks, sunbathing with the blue sky above the sails. Then I put down the next brochure down. It was cold and wet, the wind was blowing and my jumper helped protect me from the wind. I clung firmly to my camera as the boat rocked from side to side.
They say you pay for what you get. They say that money does not buy you happiness. Well for three days that extra bit of money certainly proved the above two statements to be correct. I had been sailing on two occasions previously to stepping on the Kiana. My dad is from Auckland which meant on top of being a lifeguard and surfer he was naturally a sailor.... Or so I thought. The dark and dingy Thames estuary spanning Southend On Sea provided my first sailing experince. My dad had acquired a second GP-14 sailing boat and I was the first guinea pig at the age of eleven. In my young naivety I had missed the fact that I was going because nobody else wanted to. It sank. He forget to close the flaps at the bottom. He ventured out three months later. In my obviously not improving naivety I agreed once again. It capsized. The life jackets did not work and we hung on in the murky water for forty minutes.
So fifteen years later and with the naivety fully worked on we booked the Kiana. After hearing stories of jam packed sardines on sailing boats I advised the guys to go for a maximum of fifteen people. The free dive proved the deciding factor for some. Good words of encouragement from the agents proved decisive for others.
We arrived at the quayside. The boats sat before us. I marveled at the sight in front of me, the smooth lines, she could not have been more than twenty years old, sitting elegantly next to the others, this was going to be a pleasant experience. Then the girl I had transfixed my eyes on got on the other boat. Wrong group. Once we found the right group we made our way on the the Kiana. The first impressions were good. A sizeable rear area, sleeping quarters there were not molded into the boat and as good 'homely' feeling as you could ask for on the water. We even had our own mugs. Nice touch. The first stop was on a beautiful beach. The sand was 95% silicone. I amused myself for the two hour stop by making a number of different shaped silicon boobs.
The three days enabled me realise how sailing can be pleasurable. You can venture out without sinking or toppling over. It can be comfortable. It is relaxing. In fact they should bring back the convict ships. If it was like this ship nobody would drink, everyone falls asleep at 9pm and everyone is too dizzy to argue. It would cut crime in half. Take away the hiding places of land and people do talk to each other (Well you WILL talk to me, there is no ESCAPE). You will read books you would not normally read. In fact you will do things you never dreamed of doing. The sea air has a strange effect on you. Take snorkeling. I had never been snorkeling before. It was a combination of not liking swimming, not liking the sea, but probably and most importantly detesting fish. We have not got on since I was eleven. Those 'chicken fingers' that I ate so naively for five months were in fact 'fish fingers' weren't they mother? When I was younger I thought Cod was chicken. How such a small level of deception at a small age can lead to big dislikes at a big age. To blame it all on the 'chicken fingers would be unfair. My route to school included Westcliff Fishmongers. My developing sense of smell taught me that fishes smell. They smell bad. Not only do they smell bad, they look bad.
So there I was waving to the fishes - we put aside our differences for twenty minutes. They ignored me and I ignored them. They even politely parted like the Red Sea when a group of fifty strong headed straight for me. Even fish have manners. The next step was the first scuba dive off the beach. After a brief session on diving the night before it was time to go the next step. I would like to say I looked like Sean Connery in the diving scene of 'Never Say never again'. But I did'nt. My last chance to be Bond evaporated. "Do you want to go out backwards like the movies" Brent excitedly exclaimed. "I'd prefer to waddle in from the beach just like on Bournemouth beach thanks" I replied. One step at a time. I've got plenty of time. Connery was fifty two when he made that film.
Learning to breathe through your mouth was strange and hardly natural. Taking deep long breaths without using your nose was un-nerving. Pressing the black button that made you sink beneath the water was like putting rocks around your feet and allowing yourself to fall. It goes against human instinct. The first twenty minute dive went without incident. It was actually quite impressive despite the feeling of claustrophobia. They must have thought I was lighter than I was. I sunk straight to the bottom damaging coral that had survived for thousands of years. I was a murderer.
The second dive was a paid dive in the Great Barrier reef. One girl seemed nervous. "What am I getting myself into?" she exclaimed. "Water" I replied. Somehow I don't think I relieved her tension. Although I was apprehensive this was an opportunity not to be missed. We flipped out backwards and the four of us headed by the dive master Brent descended below. The depth was more impressive than the first. It was like jumping from the first diving board and then running up to the forth. You would not do it own your own but everyone else was so you felt like you had to. Everything seemed to be going fine. Then without warning I gulped some water. Natural instinct kicked in. I breathed through my nose. Damn my nose did not work. I spat out the water. Too late. My breathing had increased in tempo and this in turn caused my mind to race. Panic started to set in. I was unfamiliar water and my all the things I had learnt suddenly went away. It was like opening the first page of an exam paper and finding your mind go blank. Thankfully for me Brent was at hand quickly. The worst part is that you cannot communicate. You can point but pointing is hardly descriptive. Thanks to Brent I managed to control my breathing after ten minutes and was ready to continue. Panic over. Being down with the reef is surreal and amazingly peaceful once you have mastered the art of relaxing.With the 7am diving missions accomplished the rest of the time would be spent on deck or down beneath. We passed numerous boats packed with people spilling out onto the decks. Just like the Jeeps on Frasier it was an amazing engineering feat to fit so many on such a boat. Then the the connection was made. It was the same three hundred dollar Frasier Whitsunday package. Great price. Crap conditions. I did not know if their waves were a sign of greetings or a cry for help. Ours was not a party boat. The early starts ensured that. Instead of waking up with your head spinning and your world rocking you just woke up with the rocking. Breakfast was at six. They boat employed sophisticated techniques to wake the sleepers. They had great food. Food that would go unless you awoke from your sleepy haze. The food was excellent in the morning, afternoon and evening. Just how this was achieved was a cuisine wonder considering the kitchen was at twenty degrees for parts of the journey. The chef was Emily from Preston. She worked for twelve hours a day and six days a week cooking cleaning for all whilst remaining completely unflustered. Every now again she would sleep on deck. Despite having no prior cooking experience she managed to churn out meal after meal with fantastic preparation.
The three day journey was a highlight of the travels so far. It learned some valuable lessons. Couples do talk, fish still look bad even without being sliced open, ships don't always sink, you can bump your head over and over again without learning and you well and truly pay for what you get.