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December 15, 2004

Wedensday 15th December

Things ‘The Times’ taught me today………….

English women drink the third most booze in Europe. You may think, 'well at least they are not first', but then again, I doubt anyone could beat the Irish who occupy top spot.

For the first time ever, young English women now drink more than blokes. No wonder I am scared to go out sometimes.

Foreigners are increasingly being admitted to hospital with ‘Paris Syndrome’. This is particularly apparent with Japanese people who find the French rude, inpatient, aggressive and making fun of their culture. I’m sure London Syndrome will be next, started by paying two pounds for a cold cup of coffee.

Conversations that made me lookup whilst shopping today

Lady on mobile phone : “Yes I know he hated that jumper last year, but it’s got a third off this time and as it’s a different colour, he will probably never notice”

Husband to his wife : “Joyce, what about this painting for your mother, she like water colours doesn’t she?”
Wife: “Barry, she went totally blind in January, I hardly think she will notice if we give her a water colour or a crayon drawing by a four year old”

Husband to his increasingly angry wife : “What’s the point in buying a pack of 30 Christmas cards, we only know five people”


Odd things I have read recently.

‘LONDON (Reuters) - Nursing home staff have paid tribute to a 105-year old woman who had smoked since the age of 15, by cremating her with a packet of Bensons and laying a large floral cigarette on her coffin.

Apart from her 15-a-day habit, she was also notorious amongst staff for her unhealthy eating habits, often asking for sugar in her soup and always demanding three sugars in her coffee.
Staff played the song Smoke Gets in Your Eyes at Ellis' funeral and are planning a memorial concrete ashtray for her in the nursing home garden, where her ashes will also be buried. ‘


LONDON (Reuters) - The aristocracy has long been an exclusive club but now anyone can become a Lord or Lady -- for as little as 30 pounds.
A raft of web sites are offering one square foot of the Glencairn Estate in northeast Scotland and, with it, access to the prestigious-sounding title of Lord/Laird and Lady of Glencairn.
Buyagift.co.uk is offering the "fun" title as the "ideal gift for anyone who aspires to greatness" for 29.99 pounds, which includes a deed of ownership, a map of the Glencairn estate and a card which proves their title.

LONDON (Reuters) - Sales of tea towels are booming as parents use them as headdresses for their children in primary school Nativity plays, Sainsbury's supermarket says.
So great is the demand -- known in the trade as the Bethlehem Boost -- that Sainsbury's has ordered extra supplies.


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