A cup of tea for the Plumber – I don’t think so.

There is a long standing tradition that if any tradesman comes into your house you should offer them a cup of tea and a biscuit. Well, this needs to stop.

The trade industry is unique. Companies go hell for leather trying to outdo each other. Whether it’s ‘Our service is superior’ or ‘Our prices cannot be beaten’ they will try everything to attract new custom, and keep it. Companies have come to their senses in recent times and released it’s far more profitable to keep an existing customer than try and attract a new one. Companies such as these have in turn become increasing sensitive to customer criticism. If Auntie Sally thinks that someone should have replied to her email about her faulty Hoover vacuum in one day as opposed to two, she will get a lovely twenty pound voucher to say sorry.

All this is great. Well let’s just say not all industries have followed suit. If you are a plumber or an Electrician you would have to started to read the book ‘How to gain new customer and keep them’ and then put it down after page one and gone to the ‘Red Lion’ and had a fag and a pint.

Here is my comparison for a pensioner’s adviser and a plumber…………

How you hear about them………….

Pensions Advisor

Back page of a glossy financial magazine

Plumber

Well you start with your phone book, surely. You spend an hour ringing the numbers only for nobody to answer the phone. The ones who do answer say either ‘Ello’ or ‘Yeah’. Wait three days for any of them to phone you back. None do. Speak to your friend at work who says that Bill the plumber was ok, but always busy, he gives you the number.

How you arrange an appointment……………

Pensions Advisor

They offer you a number of windows which best suit you, ideally after work so you don’t have to take any time off. They put in their diary, they will call if anything changes

Plumber

You phone Bill. He is out. You leave a message. You wait three days. You call him again. He answers, eating something. He says “Yeah, who gave you this number” as if it’s a secret hotline that only special people can call. He gives you one option. 10am next Tuesday (He is really busy you know). Seems completely disinterested, does not take your phone number and generally sounds like he wants to get back to his pint and pie.


The day comes……

Pensions Advisor

John, the pension’s advisor has called the previous day to confirm the appointment. He arrives ten minutes early and apologies for this, “The traffic was better than I expected!” he says. Firm handshake. Nice guy.

Plumber

Take day of work. It’s 1pm. No sign of Bill. He must be busy. Next day. No sign of Bill. He must be really busy. Next week – call Bill. Does not apologise. He says he will come around. Don’t take day of work, he probably won’t come anyway. Bill calls. He’s at the house – “Where are you” he grunts.

The job………..

Pensions Advisor

Everything explained perfectly, no hassle, no sales pitch, some nice brochures, even a personal business card. Hey, I can call him anytime.

Plumber

Turns up with his trousers falling down. Bits of crisps in his beard. A bag full of tools that look like they have been salvaged from the tip. Looks at the shower, shakes his head. Makes a bit of noise. Calls you over. Shakes his head. Starts using words that nobody has ever used before “Yeah mate, it’s the lower left tension spring that has bust, who fitted this thing anyway, very shoddy”. Trying to lower expectations “It’s not looking good, going to have to replace the whole unit, three hours at least”.

What he actually did……

Pensions Advisor

Left a brochure, explained everything perfectly

Plumber

Changed a 20p washer, the bill comes to two hundred and fifty pounds plus vat, plus thirty minutes for a fag

After service…………..

Pensions Advisor
John apologies for not picking up your call – “I was at the hospital having a scan for a tumour, I’m ever so sorry”…. Calls you straight back and spends ten minutes going through your concerns

Plumber

The once leaking shower has now stopped working all together. You phone Bill, he does not answer you call, fifteen times. You wished you just had a shower that leaked now. From now on it’s bath time.


And who earns more money? Well they earn more than nurses and fireman. In fact some earn more than fully qualified doctors. Of course if you actually talking about how much money they in earn in comparison to how much time they actually work then it is considerably more. Here, using research consisting of questionnaires, surveillance and customer feedback I have broken down a plumber’s hour of work:-

20 minutes – driving around listening to the radio
10 minutes – drinking the cup of tea you have made them
10 minutes – scratching their arse
10 minutes – on the phone to their make Mike about the weekend
10 minutes – Starring into space
5 minutes – Inventing some excuse as to why your tap drips
5 minutes – Shaking their head

Should I offer them a cup of tea? I would it’s just my electrics still don’t work after the cowboy electrician came the week before. How can any ‘service’ industry make so much money when these people don’t advertise, don’t turn up on time (if they ever do), look so bad, don’t fix the problem and charge an lottery amount of money for doing absolutely nothing? Simple. We have come to expect bad service. If they have turned up two hours late then we are happy.

This in the main is caused by a severe lack of people in these trades. Ok, I understand unblocking a ninety three year olds toilet can be a shitty job. But surely drinking cups of tea and eating biscuits and listing to the radio in your van makes up for this? So why don’t I become a plumber? Well in all honesty I have a reputation for breaking things. But if someone gives me a ten grand tomorrow the first thing I would do would be to set up a plumbing company with customer service. I’m sure it would go down well and put all those cowboys out of business.