Weddings

I've been to two weddings in the last month, one in Frankfurt and one in Northampton. There is something about these things that just don't sit right with me anymore. Maybe it's just because you know when you start to go to lots of weddings, you think, just maybe, you should be getting married yourself. It's like when couples have babies, their couples friends always think it must be a good idea as well.

But despite this warning bells I still like going to weddings. Sure I like to see my friends indulge in the best days of their lives. But weddings are fascinating. Weddings are very different depending on your gender. If you are a woman no doubt you would have spent the lastr two weeks looking for a new dress even though the ones you already have a just as good and no, threre is no chance of someone remebering if you have worn it to previous wedding. And then after they have spent a fortune on another pair of shoes they get up on the morning stupidly early to go to the stupidly expensive hairdressers. Only for it to rain. And besides, whats the point in having a nice haircut if you have to wear a hat. As a woman pnce said to me 'you will never understand'. I think she was right. And if you are a bloke? Just wear thew suit you wore for work that week and polish your shoes with a sock. Ready in five.

It's when you actually get to the church that you realise weddings are are social mis mash of people. It's amazing how many old people come out of the word work. But then again a wedding is the highlight of their year for them. Everyone stands in their groups. Well that it until the alcohol is brought out. It's amazing how a glass of champagne can cuase people to start blurbing out "So how do you know the bride?". But the best bit is when you have to meet all the brooms parents and brides parents before you sit down. Sure it's a great way of keeping out the gate crashers. "Err I went to school with him but hav'ent seen him for seven years" you would say. They of course could not admit that they did'nt recognise you..... "Ah yes, your errrm, the one one that used to come round our house". Once you get past this obstacle it's time to look fort the seating plans. The greatness of the table is normally determined by the amount of female names. And then time to sit baack and guess the long winded Pshycology of who sits at what table. You can only imgaine the conversations of "Yes but Aunt betty won't get on with Uncle Bob" followed by "Yes but Aunty Betty will feel bad if she is not sitting opposit the head table".

What's the best way to get on with people you don't know on your table? Drink. Yes drink. Don't only drink the wine, but snort the free champagne and make sure you have got at least five doubles by the time the free bar stops. And then what. Well thats it. You can never remember. You can't rememeber dancing. You cannot remember chatting up the bar maid and asking where she is from. Ten times. And you cannot remember signing guestbooks. Oh dear. But unlike going to a nightclub it all stops at twelve. Just at the height of you drunkness.

Weddings. Don't you just love them. Until it's your turn of course.