371 days later

After 371 days, finally, I guess, it was time to start working again. They say that starting your first day in a new job is just like your first day at school. And with those words of wisdom ringing through my ears, I was quite looking forward to it. That day seemed like yesterday. So, my mum would be getting me dressed, I would get a lift to work, I would be surrounded by girls playing ‘kiss chase’ with me, I’d get to have a free bottle of milk at lunchtime, have a run around in the afternoon, a bit of doodling later on and, at three o’clock, it would be time to go, with a cartoon watching fest until bed time. I was going to love it. Okay, maybe a few eyebrows would be raised when I turned up with a bowl shaped hair cut from my ‘thinks she is a hairdresser’ mum, or when I took my bright blue Superman plastic lunch box out with pre sliced, triangle wedged, cucumber sandwiches, or maybe, and more significantly, started to chase the women around the desk in a chase of love.

And so I turned up. “It’s smart casual dress code” they stated. As I stood there in shirt, tie, and my finest tailored suit from Bangkok. As I looked around I realised why. All the managers and directors were wearing the suits, maybe a little premature on my behalf.

With my reputation preceding me, it did not take long to make my mark. Literally. As I produced my hand to shake the first member of staff it drew a strange look. Was my hand abnormally large? Did I have six fingers? Relief, I had a blue hand. Still, despite the looks, the pleasantries were exchanges, the coffee machines were directed…….. hold on, I’ve got a blue hand! Not only was there streaks of blue running down my hand, there were a series of blue fingerprints on my freshly pressed white shirt. Reaching inside my pocket I found the offending leaking pen, with stained blue passport, defaced and new acquired security pass and a newly coloured ten pound note. The Queen was looking on with a fresh blue rinse haircut.

And then I sat down and looked around. The office life came flooding back. I knew who were the characters, I knew the girls the blokes fancied, I guessed the people that were avoided, I worked out the ones that had been here far too long, the ones that had not been there not long enough. I remembered why nobody drank coffee from the coffee machine, the combination of powered instant milk, wholesale coffee in a plastic cup, providing as much pleasure as tasting your hair gel on a pouring wet day.

Taking my first lunch break at a new company was a mixture of relief and bewilderment. Amongst my uncertainty was others routine, finding where to eat, looking where to go, trying to understand how to get through barriers. Everything was secure, much more secure. The barriers needed your pass to be swiped. Security men looked on with menace. A far cry from before. I had made it my job a couple of years previously to see what I could get away with, to test security. Showing my badge with an altered Mickey Mouse face and carrying a box labelled “Do not touch, Bomb inside”, they never raised an eyebrow.

And now on to tomorrow. Blue stained hands and all.