I don't support Saskatchewan, okay

Maybe it was a wrong selection in hindsight to wear a green t-shirt and walk around the stadium on the night that the Toronto Argonauts played the Saskatchewan Roughriders.
It just so happened that the away team colours were, green.

“Hey, how comes you didn’t get into the game? Do you want a ticket for the game, ten dollars”. Now, it would help if I had known who was playing in the first place, as much as I liked my sports, Football was not one of my fortes. And so the they came and they came, “Excuse me, do you know where the box office is?” was the next, followed by “Do you know the line up”. Now, this on itself would be fine, its just at this point I started to realise there was a bit of language gap here, it was if I was speaking like someone from the planet Zoo Lu.

“I haven’t got a clue, sorry” was my standard reply, but I soon began to realise from their blank expressions that for some reason, I was making no sense whatsoever. Maybe I should simplify it to a straight “No”, but surely that was a little impolite.

I escaped to the nearest station, tired from my misunderstandings, a Harveys burger would do nicely. At it was at this point I started to realise the differences, even in a fast food bar. The people serving were actually enthusiastic to serve, even without the fifteen percent tip. It was if you were their first customer, they were even patient when, taking my time to look through the twenty different types of burger, I actually finally made my mind up. And the next surprise. No burger that had been sitting there since six am when, like back home, Tracey had forgotten about the burger in the corner and duly passed it off to you at seven pm, dry and crinkled. These were fresh, you even got to select your salad that you put into the burger. Nice. Well, all nice apart from trying to describe ‘everything but no Tomatoes’ and getting a look of complete bewilderment. “Oh, you mean tomaarrrtoo’s”.

As I sat down, the television was on. To my bemusement, the game that I had strived to get away from, was showing. “Hey, how has the game being going, I couldn’t get a ticket”. Fantastic. I had just chewed on my second curly fry and I was being asked to summarise a game I knew absolutely nothing about. Instead of trying to explain that I knew absolutely nothing about football, let alone this game, I tried to blag it. “Nothing really has happened so far” came the unconvincing response, which, for a split second seemed to work until the commentator shouted “Wow, what a game, three touch downs in the first ten minutes”. Just as I was about to say “Yeah, but what does he know, I finished my burger, left the peppers, and was just about to get up when … “Hey, have my Candy, I’m allergic to peanuts”. With a pat on the left shoulder, another complete stranger left the large yellow wrapper sweet on my tray, and walked off into the distance. Far too nice.

From the top of the tallest building in the world, the CNN tower, I could now quite clearly see where I had got lost the previous day. As apposed to walking towards the city, I had, in fact, walked five miles off onto a island that as suspected, led to a dead end of water. Armed with the hindsight that maybe I should have scaled the tower first, as opposed to walking into a different city in thirty degree heat, I was starting to feel like I knew my surroundings. “Excuse me, can you point me in the direction of New York”, came the sound from a have broken English Mexican sounding accent. Just as I was digesting this question (I thought I was bad at getting lost, this woman had missed the wrong turn to the States and ended up a tower), she added “They say you can see New York on a clear day”. After learning from the previous football experience that it’s better not to blag, I resisted the temptation of pointing towards a nice boat I had been looking at, and replied “I think you are asking the wrong person, I didn’t even know the way back to the city, let alone New York”. With a look as if she thought I said no, she preceded to point the in the direction of the boats to her kids. Maybe I shouldn’t feel too bad.

The trip up the CNN tower confirmed my deepest suspicions. The people of Toronto were playing a game of hide and seek. They were nowhere to be seen. It’s just nobody had told me to count to ten. Just where 2.4 million people on a Sunday could hide I will never know. For Canada’s largest city, the ‘New York’ of Canada, I was beginning to wonder if I had said something. Okay, I lied about the football, but I had remembered to apply a fresh coating of Sure for Men that morning.

Quite how I could walk down a central street and not pass a sole for five minutes was, baffling. After ten seconds counting up on the tower, I decided time was up. I was going to find these people.

After two hours of searching, purely by accident, I found the ants nest. It’s called a Mall. Quite conspicuous by it’s entrance, the hiding place was a good one for sure. Then I realised why everyone was hiding in there. It was air conditioned and huge, not just a few shops or a few floors, but lots of the both. It seemed shopping was a secret religion such was the buzz of people. All could think about was being outside to catch some of the rays, but the smell of the coffee shops and cinnamon stalls proved an equal pull.

Which came onto my second conclusion. The food, it really is better. A lot better, Just like the burger bar, the choice and care put in the food was a different class. Food preparation seemed not only to be a business, but an art form. I could have a maple cookie with almond roast coffee if I wanted, I could have my rings lightly dipped in cinnamon or just a touch of sugar. If I wanted pickle in my ice tea, I probably could.

With choice comes enjoyment, with space comes relaxation. As I walked around again, it started to become clear why Canadians appear so laid back, so friendly. It's as if your parents said to you when you were younger, “Right, you don’t have to share a single bed with your brothers anymore, and whilst we are at it, lets get a nice big double bed, that is always comfortable and never breaks, and hey, its even quite cheap. And there it was, from an irritable, tired kid with bruises from fighting, to one, well, hasn’t got much to worry about, lying around in comfort with his armed stretched out.