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June 01, 2005

Why does it always happen to me

Today....................

Location: At my desk

People : My manager, my team, a few visitors
Scenerio : Manager bends right over the table in front of us, reaching for a pen. At the same time someone shows me a new layout on thhe computer screen

Me : "Bloody Hell, I don't like the look of that!"

Manager : She turns around and looks at me

Everyone else : They turn round and look at me

What they thought I was referring to : Her bottom

What I wanted to say but knew they would'nt believe me : "I was talking about the screen!"

================================================================================== Location : Sports Centre

People : Me, thirty other people, instructor with microphone plugged into speakers.

Scenerio : As well as running, weights, press up's and alike there is skipping session. I have never, and will never do this, simply because of my incredibly poor coordination between my legs and my arms. Skippy I ain't.

Instructor Says : "Why aren't you skipping?"

Me (tongue firmly in cheek) : "I was bullied in the playground when I was younger when I tried to skip, I have never tried since

Instructor (in Loud speaker surround sound through her mic): "YOU WERE BULIED AT SCHOOL FOR SKIPPING?"

Everyone in the hall : Turns around and looks at me like someone with mental problems

==================================================================================
Location : Tesco Supermarket

People : Me and girl who work's in Supermarket

Scenerio : I've been in such a routine for the last year, I know exactly which food is in which isle. They recently had a change of isle location, obviously, fucking up my routine. So I can't find the fruit and veg. Where have they moved it to? I only came in for a bit of fruit.

Me : "Excuse me, can you tell me where you have moved your melons?"

Her : She gives me a double take.

Me : Maybe that did'nt sound right, I should have said "Where are the melons now please?"

Me : After observing her face I try and ease the situation...."Sorry, I'm going bananna's"

Her : "Ah, they are next to the oranges now"

Me : "Don't worry, thanks anyway"

Taxi to the express checkout please.

posted by coops @ 8:27 pm  

1 Comments:

  • At 6:13 pm, Blogger coops said…

    I think you have got me sussed there. Damn.

     

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