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May 05, 2005

Crunch time – Who is our next Prime Minister?

Well I’ve got my voting form. The one that says I need to go to the local polling station, before ten o’clock, the one that will be manned by the over seventies brigade. You see, once every four years, it’s their excuse to have a big test of their organisation skills. Put a few seats out, put a ‘polling station’ sign up and hey presto, you become the envy of the blue rinse community.

Shit it’s 22.50pm, I’ve missed my vote. For the third time in a row. Should I be ashamed that I’m neglecting my privileges in this free speech and democratic society that I live in/? Well, not really.

You see I cant really be arsed. Politicians are twats. They use statistics, trying to blind the public, massaging the figures to make themselves look good. Be it hospital waiting list times, Iraq casualties, asylum figures (or lack of them) or the amount of cakes at Downing Street. The fact is figures can mean whatever you want them to mean. I could say I own two Ferraris, just omitting the fact that they are three feet long. I could say I had two women chat to me today, just omitting the fact that they were both over ninety, half blind and asking what time the bus was due. I could describe myself as having a six pack, its no lie, it’s just it’s in the fridge. I could tell my dad I did actually vote today, just missing out the bit that I voted for Natalie Imbruglia in MTV’s most wanted song, not for the Conservative party.

Then I look at the burning Election issues and I think, maybe not:-

Immigration/Asylum

Don’t band these together like I have done for effect. People forget in this country that these two are not the same. There is a world of difference between people sneaking into this country in the back of trucks on Ferries and those coming to enhance our culture. Contrary to what the Daily Mail says, not all people seeking a new life here are doing so for the benefits. Sure, we are a nice country, we don’t kick out most of the people, be it illegal or not, but that’s because we are a companionate country. Like it or not, sometimes we have an ‘island’ mindset, there’s not enough space for other people. Well, lets take a reality check here, our food is generally shit and we have got a lot to learn from other cultures.

Public Transport/Petrol costs

Our petrol taxation is one of the highest in the world. Fact. But lets face it, we are a tiny country. We are not in the States, an hour drive for a lot of people is like popping down the shops for us. Just because we are lazy arses that drive down the road to post a letter, it doesn’t mean we should complain about the price of petrol. Sure, there are people that have to drive, the people that deliver my packages, the people that put up the cost of my goods because of petrol costs. I accept that. But you look at the motorways and you will see that 99% of the cars are sole occupancy. Don’t moan on about petrol prices, the simple solution is for the government to make public transport cheaper, more efficient and pleasant to use.

Health

Simple. Don’t get ill.

The War with Iraq – Mr Blair lied you know!

It happened. It was wrong. The war was completely unjustified, even if it was motivated by the removal of Saddam Hussein (and not the weapons, oh really) that was still unacceptable. Why is our divine right to go around enforcing democracy on independent countries, what’s right for some might not be right for others. But it happened. You can’t go back.

Taxation

I know my taxes will go up and I won’t get anything for it. What’s new?

My money is on the Lib Dems, not for any political motives, I’ve just got a tenner on them as an outsider. Now if they made voting like betting, then I would be interested. In fact why don’t they just do a Pop Idol type system, I could text vote in and save a trip to the local Church cum polling station and a polite conversation with Doris from down the road. And then there would be Simon Cowell.

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