The Wonderful world of temping

Since coming back from travelling I have experienced the world of temping. I have since learnt some valuable lessons on this subject. It all starts when they call you about jobs they have on offer:-

“A great little family company” actually means

A company run by a bloke who inherited the company when his dad died. As a result he has not got a clue. He employees a secretary to flirt with and employees people around him who earn considerably less than him but know considerably more

“They are only down the road from you” actually means

Well ten roads actually, and rather long ones at that. This normally involves travelling through the worst traffic black spot in the country.

“It’s a great little office to work in” actually means

They give you your own chair to sit on. Plus it’s air conditioned. With a fan.

“A flexible hourly pay” actually means

Flexible to them. You start to think what you used to earn before. You then look at the minimum wage. Well at least you are earning more than the minimum wage. Then again I didn’t factor in the tax. Ok, I would be actually earning less than someone with two stars at McDonalds.

“There is a possibility for longer term work”

Well that is if Doris does not come back from maternity leave or Steve who has been signed off sick for the last three months due to stress, does a runner.

“It’s a data entry position”

You never get exciting data entry to do. I know I won’t be entering the names and addresses of all the Rich and Famous from a sheet of Rich and Famous people into a database of Rich and Famous people. It’s never data entry on it’s own – inevitably you will be used a generally dogs body as well.

Despite all my misgivings today was time for a new positive approach. The phone went.

“Hello Rich, we have position in Christchurch today, 4-8pm data entry for a good company. Can you make it?”. My head said yes, my heart said no. It was hardly worth getting off my seat for, but in an attempt to please my consciousness I said “of course, what’s the pay like?. I could tell by her voice it’s was nearer two star McDonald’s than five star waiter. No be positive. “So where about in Christchurch is the job?” I enquired. “Hurn” was the reply. Now I practically live in Christchurch and Hurn most definitely is not in Christchurch. It’s like RyanAir saying Stanstead is in London or Hahn is in Frankfurt. Ok, so the job is actually seven miles away. Still it’s a job.

I left with thirty minutes to spare. I then forgot. Road works. I was in a traffic black spot. I’ll just go a little bit faster. Ten minutes late. I enter the isolated building of a well known parcel delivery company. I took my seat and made the observations that I normally do when I walk into a new office.

There was no water machine, just coffee stained cups that people have brought from home. I could imagine the arguments now of “Who stole my Milk!” or “Has somebody got MY cup?”. As nobody could see to me immediately they said I could help myself to a hot drink. How the hell I was supposed to do that? I mean the lady at the agency had said ‘wear shirt and trousers’, she said nothing about me bringing my own chipped mug, supply of two day old milk and two teabags. I also noticed the tea tray. It wasn’t company standard embossed with company logo. It was someone’s personal tin tray along with flowered logo. Keep well away.

Then a voice came. “It was meant to be a data entry job…… but the data entry stuff hasn’t arrived yet”. This sounds familiar. Instead I was to put stickers on envelopes. If only I hadn’t missed that lesson at University or been off sick the day they did that ‘How to stick stickers on envelopes’ course at work. You learn by your mistakes. As with all these types of jobs, clocks suddenly appear from nowhere to remind you just how boring the job you are doing is. I started to play ‘eye spy’ with clocks. There was one on the computer, one on the wall, one on the desk. Just block them out. “And the time is Twenty past four” said the radio in the background. “Jenny, what time is it” came the voice behind me. I may as well be working in a watch shop it was so bad.

It could be worse. I could be coming back everyday.