Smoking. Maybe it's good for you after all

No. Not any new medical research breakthrough here. You really have come here by mistake if you were looking for intelligent, life changing news. No, it's just my research reseults. Unproven, untrialled and probably, a load of pickled eggs. Here goes....

I’m not going to claim it makes you feel better, even when your p.c has just crashed and lost all your work (of course that’s what you say to your boss) or even if you have just received some bad news (the boss knows you are lying, he can tell by your look, you can tell by theirs)

No. I mean socially.

Now, this certainly isn’t a new thing. I was a social smoker for a while (without being particularly sociable I must add), but my definition of ‘social smoking’ was just to smoke when I was out, I saw it more as sharing my smoke, I am after all, a ‘giver’, rather than a ‘receiver’. Now less digression. There is a reason for this, honest. So the story goes today……..

Them : “I’m just popping out for a cigarette, should give up really, I mean I don’t even like it”

Me: “Really? Why the hell do you smoke then?”

Them : “Well, I started this new job at my previous company and I noticed the big boss was a smoker. So I pretended to smoke so I could get chatting to him. After a while, it seemed to work. We stated to get to know each other quite well, before I knew it I was getting promotions, but then it all went wrong……

Me: “What, You did what I did when I was sixteen and put the wrong end of the cigarette in your mouth? (more of a hope to gain a little sympathy for that stupid act)”

Them: “No, no. I’m not that stupid. (Well, I guess it was quite dumb at the time) No, it’s much simpler than that. They gave up smoking, we stopped going for cigarette breaks, and before you know it, I stopped getting promotions. To make matter worse he went on holiday, bought me 600 ‘cheap’ cigarettes, which I don’t even want to smoke. It cost me a fortune. Anyway, that’s why I left, and that’s why I'm here now. But I can’t seem to give up, its just habit now, three times a day in the smoking shelter.

Now, I didn’t know whether to appreciate this degree of honesty, laugh or just cry, so true to form, I just stared and thought about it. And thought about it. This person, to advance in their career, had taken up smoking, which they hated, and now they were still smoking. It was also quite comforting to know they must have instantly thought that I couldn’t have been big managerial cheese material, otherwise they would not have risked giving their game away. Maybe it was the shirt, maybe it was the slightly creased trousers, or maybe, just maybe, it was face pulling and sly piss taking. No, got to have been the shirt.

So look around you. Question smokers. Are they just being sociable, or is it just another motive? Well, here comes the ironic hypocritical thing. Well I haven’t smoked to further my career, of course not! That would be so immoral. Well, none of them have ever smoked, so I just tend to stalk them instead (same bars, shops, always lead with “Fancy seeing you here!!!”). But I have smoked for social gain.

When I was travelling on my own, I met more people through having a cigarette than not. Okay, social deficiency maybe, but it broke the ice a whole lot better on both sides. Standing outside hostels, smoking a cigarette, asking for lighters, let the conversation flow. Here are a few examples……

1) Fiji Airport, 4 am. On my own, first port of call on my travels. Get a lighter off Fred and James at the airport. Travelled with them for four months, count them as two of my closer friends now
2) Lying on Bondi Beach. A girl called Trudi asks for a lighter. Yes, amazing,
I actually got chatted up by a member of the opposite sex without the aid of beer. She later admitted she didn’t really want a cigarette, she just saw I was smoking and thought it would break the ice (or melt it)
3) Laura and Alison. Two great friends from Canada, I would have never met
Them if I hadn’t been part of the coach smoking crew in N.Z.

Of course I met plenty of fantastic people after I gave up, for which I haven’t mentioned (A.J etc) , in fact by providing such a biased entry towards this argument I’m going to stop this entry before I disappoint myself any further with my unbalanced argument skills.

Latest news :

My new boss smokes. I’m sure a couple a day won’t do any harm….. as long as I can remember to put the right end in my mouth