Wake up and smell the coffee

No I have not just had an argument with someone and been told to get real. There would be nothing better at that moment than for me to wake up covered in coffee beans at 9am in the morning. But I can’t. I have developed new phenomena called ‘Man Flu’. Ok so it’s just a common flu but it is a pain in the neck. Literally. I’ll come back to Man Flu later.

It’s seems I’m the only person I know (wait I’m not a sad loner) that loses my sense of smell and taste when I get a cold. Now I don’t mind the headaches, the sniffling, the cough, the neck ache, the tiredness, well I do actually but anyway, there is one thing that really gets up my nose apart from the snot, it’s losing my senses.

Not only can I stand in a public place and not know if I smell like a onion bag and Paula Radcliffe after the New York marathon, I can’t smell if the milk is off. Now I know you are one step ahead already, I mean if I can’t taste the sour milk why should I worry if it smells off? Look it’s just a principle and procedure thing okay. Scientists have proved that although we taste via our taste buds, the way we smell things has a huge impact on the way things tastes to us.

I have been researching for years how our sense can be affected by outside factors. The main research focused on me drinking rather large quantities of alcohol on a nights out and then testing the cuisine that is on offer, be it kebabs, burgers or hot dogs. My research was conclusive. Anything, despite how bad it looks, how bad it has been cooked, how bad it smells, tastes fantastic.

So now should be a perfect opportunity to eat all the foods I really don’t like but are good for me. Maybe I should eat the hottest curry around, the Phal. Or maybe I should take the ultimate risk and suck on a Cod Liver oil tablet. I mean if I can’t taste or smell it, what’s the problem? Maybe I just need to disguise the way it looks and everything will be okay. In the morning I could have a fish shake, a liver sandwich at lunchtime followed by a spinach and seafood crape for dinner. Then again the subject of fooling me with food is bit of a sore point. When I was eight I was eating ‘chicken fingers’ happily for a year. Then one day after doing a bit of searching that Columbo would be proud of, I saw a Captain Birdseye box in the kitchen. All was confessed by my mum. The chicken was in fact fish and to this day I haven’t eaten it since. Call me a fussy and melodramatic person, but I wasn’t intentionally fishing for sympathy.

Man Flu. This was a description devised by woman, when men say they have got flu, it actually means they have got a cold. In essence men are moaning they are really ill when in fact they have got nothing more than the common cold. Firstly the reason why men say this is two fold. If you say you have got a cold then you are not going to be looked on favourably by your mates when you say you can’t come out for the night. You say flu, they understand. Secondly if you are going to take a day off work you can hardly say you have got a cold. Flu sounds much better. From a serious point of view it’s no wonder so few men go to the doctors when they ill. After all they are constantly being told they are over reacting when they get ill. I think it’s totally unfair that blokes get accused of over reacting when they are ill.

Anyway, must get back to my death bed, if my blog has not be updated by Tuesday please can you inform the relevant authorities and next of kin. Thanks.